Barbecue fun

Hosted a barbecue today. My pals Erika and Natalie and Natalie's boyfriend were the only ones to eat. Melissa came over with her mom and her friend, but I knew she probably wouldn't stay long since she's packing to move back to Pennsylvania on Tuesday. ::sniff, sob:: My first pal in NO is leaving. Rachel was working in the lab, and science being science, her gel preempted her plans to come eat burgers and grilled veggies and salsa. Chad never bothered to show, which I suspected on Thursday when he replied that he "wasn't making any promises" about coming when I asked. I found out from Melissa that he had gone scuba diving with another grad student and her husband. He couldn't just say he was going diving -- he had to be such a freaking MAN and beat around the bush. Jerk. His loss, because the burgers were perfect and Natalie's strawberry cheese pie was a hit. Erika and I each had two slices, and we soon regretted it when we couldn't breathe. My salsa sucked because I put in too much chili powder, but no one's perfect.

Just sitting here . . .

. . . trying to get motivated to open up the reviews of my research proposal and work on my oral presentation which must be given Tuesday. The biodiversity paper is finished, thus that excuse is gone. I AM rather sleepy since I didn't get to bed until 2:00 (I'm getting too old for that), I got up at 8:30, and it's POURING rain right now. Good thing I didn't have plans to go to Jazz Fest today. Reba's clinging to me because we've had a couple of big claps of thunder (one of which set off two car alarms -- made me laugh), so I have to be careful every time I move or I'll run over her.

::Nickleback begins playing on the WinAmp:: Oh, that might help me wake up.

:: Huge Sigh ::

The proposal has been handed in, for better or worse. I don't really care which. Had a biodiversity exam today which was preceded by the prof saying that university regs require him to give us a final exam, so we've just had an exam added when we thought today would be it for exams. So, not only do I need to finish all the other things I'm sure I've mentioned at least a couple of times, but I have another freaking exam.

I'd curse like a drunken sailor, but religious people read this and might lose what little respect they have for me.

Add to that my dad having the rest of his toe amputated (the first half of which was whacked off only a mere month ago) and my three-year-old niece having her tonsils and adenoids removed (that's too young to have to even know what a tonsil is), and I'm a cheery, chipper girl.

I don't even have enough change to hitch the bus to the store and buy a bottle of wine. If I drank wine.

Maybe I'll actually sleep tonight and then maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.

Doing a happy dance

Thank the Higher -- I'm almost done with my proposal. ::huge sigh:: I just need to put my budget in tabular format, justify the money I need, write up why my research is significant SLASH what it will contribute to the scientific community, write a summary, and fill out the university routing and animal subject certification forms.

Egads, I might actually finish it by tomorrow night. Then I can start studying for Thursday's biodiversity exam.

Have my third . . .

. . . committee member as of Wednesday or Thursday night. AND I have a basic outline of my research, so I'm going to talk to Barney about setting up my qualifying exam for the middle to the end of May.

Dad was sprung from the hospital Friday. They really have never conclusively figured out what happened, but it wasn't his heart and it wasn't his pancreas. They did a scope on Wednesday and removed some scar tissue from his esophagus, and he steadily started feeling better. I'm not totally convinced that was all, but what do I know?

Drooled over microscopes and vans on Ebay. Alas, but I can afford neither at the moment.

Long awaited (I suppose) updates

Dad was admitted to the hospital today. He was having a pain in his chest that was too low for his heart -- they think it's his pancreas. Shades of when I was in middle and high school and he was diagnosed with lupus. I hope that stuff's not flaring up again.

You may or may not note the time of this entry. Yep, it's that time of the semester again. Was up in the office working on a presentation for my seminar course on temperature dependent sex determination in reptiles. Rather interesting stuff. Finished a paper over Spring Break on the effects of endocrine disruptors on alligators in Florida -- you know, teeny weinies. The scientists are laughing, all the mundanes are scratching their heads and saying, "Huh?" ::giggle:: If you want to know -- if you REALLY want to know -- email me.

Speaking of Spring Break -- I actually went out for the first time in . . . in . . . oh, hell, I don't even remember. Went down to the Quarter (I didn't feel like transferring buses), bought some truly HEAVENLY Cashmir lavender essential oil, shared beignets with my pals Natalie and Erika, and went to the Hookah Cafe to eat Indian food and smoke a little hookah. It's not nearly as interesting as it sounds, and no, Mr. Chairman, I didn't inhale. Bus home was the downer on the whole fun time. I swear pretty soon all the buses in the city are going to have my photo along with a note that reads, "Do what you have to do to get her on the bus, just so she doesn't call the ride line."

Well, I suppose I ought to do some more sex in reptiles stuff. Or maybe I'll just play Bejeweled until my attendant gets here. Where is my cousin on the MSN Messenger when I need some entertainment? Probably on a date, damn her!

Balance by Ralph Marston

If leisure is the only thing you know, then you cannot ever fully enjoy it. If effort is all you know, then you cannot ever fully experience the fruits of your labors. Leisure has meaning only when it is balanced with effort. Effort has meaningful results only when it is balanced with leisure and relaxation. A full day's work will enable you to get a good night's sleep. A good night's sleep will enable you to perform a full day's work.

When life is in balance, it is powerful and effective. When life gets out of balance, it cannot continue that way for very long. When you balance one thing with another, you're able to achieve maximum value from both.

So balance effort with rest, excitement with serenity, fellowship with solitude, and expression with observation. When the load is balanced, you can carry it a long way. Keep your life in balance, and you will surely go far.

This story gave me chills when I read it:

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20050319/ap_on_re_us/death_of_a_prodigy

I get the sense that this boy was a very special spirit who came here for a very special purpose.

Quick updates

Too many papers, an exam (excuse me, QUIZ) tomorrow, cramps from hell, a sick dog, lots of rain, a wet dog, minor spats with the labmate, researching polluted sites for fish collection, research proposal to write, one more committee member to find for qualifying exams, potential headway in apartment ordeal, a pretty rock collection received from a pal back home as a pick-me-up (including a rhino figurine carved from lapis), first good pal I've made here in NO is moving back to PA in May, Dad had part of his toe amputated to stave off infection, Paul is examining back pain relief options, hoping to finally get past background info and into actual therapy in my counseling session on Monday, AND had fun at a pizza party last Monday.

Haven't managed to get back to the audio CDs, and haven't managed to work recently on Nay's belated birthday story. Still can't figure out why. It's not like I'm doing anything.

A Brief History of Nearly Everything

My pal Chad loaned me this audiobook by Bill Bryson yesterday, and I've been listening to it as I type my Biodiversity notes and eating supper (those latter two NOT at the same time ::grin::). I'm only through chapter one -- twice, because I got distracted while trying to interpret my own handwriting and lost track of the book -- and so far the description of the formation of the universe and how large it is has made me feel very small and insignificant indeed. The writing is very much geared toward the layperson, and there's enough humor thrown in to keep all this science-geeky-nerd stuff from getting boring, even to a science-geeky-nerd. Highly recommend this one to anyone who has an interest in science -- and that's saying something considering I'm only JUST on chapter two.

I'll ply you with updates.

I'm 2/3 the way there for qualifying

I officially have two committee members. I talked to Dr. Grady (my Biology of Fishes prof from last semester -- you remember -- Dorosoma petenense, Sphyrna tiburo, arg, those f---ing minnows!!) today, and he said he'd be "honored" to be on my diss committee. He asked what I'm planning on doing and seemed fairly satisfied with my oh-so-sketchy outline. But I'll tell you the part that caught me off guard. We were talking about the qualifying exams, wondering why they call them EXAMS when there is not a single exam component to the process, and I commented about probably having to take a couple of courses because my GREs are crap. I said that I really am not the dunce the scores show me to be, and he replied that of the Ph.D. candidates he knows in the department, I'm the top as far as my reasoning ability and ability to ask and answer questions. He also stated he was more than confident in my ability to complete the degree (apparently he questions that in some). Believe me, that's high praise from anyone, but especially from Grady. And this was the guy back in May that I thought was trying to talk me out of coming here! He did make the comment again today that he made back in May that some people are going to look at my degree and say, "You got your Ph.D. WHERE?" But I don't think he was saying it today in a bad way -- I think it was his roundabout way of saying I need to make sure that I have a solid study in every aspect. That's why I want him on my committee, because I know I can count on him to offer comments that will only make my work stronger. I just need to make sure I remember that when he's asking me questions, because he can really come off like he's shredding you. He's just kinda gruff like that.

Small steps

I had a meeting with my advisor yesterday afternoon, and I'm both slightly overwhelmed and feeling slightly better. My brain has been working against me lately (see previous post), and I've had a hard time concentrating on developing a project. I have some very loose ideas and have been trying to do a literature search to tighten up the threads, but my tiredness (both mentally and physically) have been making that a touch difficult. I've talked with Barney briefly about it, and he set me onto some older literature to try to help me focus. I'll be working my way through some of that this weekend.

On a slightly brighter note, we decided that I could probably do my qualifying exam pretty soon (by the end of the Summer, at the latest) -- a full year ahead of the deadline at which we are supposed to have it done. This consists of sitting down with three committee members (I definitely have one in Barney, a definite idea to ask for a second, and I'm waffling on the third) to go over my GRE subject scores and plan out my courses as well as deciding what to do about the foreign language and advanced statistics requirements. I also need to have an idea of what I want to study. The advantage to doing this now as opposed to a year from now (besides getting it out of the way) is that the expectations for the research component are lower. Right now, I'd only need a specific idea and broad questions, whereas a year from now I'd have to have all (or a majority) of the methods lined out. I think I'll go for now, thanks.

As far as my anxiety goes, the meeting with Barney has me feeling a little better. I'm still meeting with the Student Health doc on Monday (he wasn't in yesterday), and I have an appointment on Friday at the counseling center to try to work through all the stuff I've been letting build up over the last few YEARS and to learn some relaxation techniques.

I love how your subconscious can work against you

Not much going on right now except school and battling pain in the a--, er, buttocks, anxiety attacks. I've been to Student Health about them twice in as many weeks, and the last doc I talked to said that if they start dominating my life to come back in and we'll discuss meds.

I'm going back tomorrow.

It's bad enough right now, I had to drug myself two nights ago with Reba's Benadryl to get any sleep. I think I may know what's going on, at least partially, so I'll also be making an appointment (well, more than one) at the counseling center to work through that and to learn some relaxation techniques.

Let's jusy say I'm finally realizing that being an emotional rock has its pitfalls.

Peace Inside by Ralph Marston

When troubles come toward you, let peace come from you. When the world is filled with anger, frustration and confusion, that is when a peaceful heart can be the most valuable.

The more peaceful you are, the more effective you become. When your heart is filled with peace, your energy is more positively and purposefully focused.

The longer you remain peaceful, the stronger you become. Peace on the inside thus leads to real, meaningful success on the outside.

You can choose to carry peace within you, no matter what may be happening around you. Let the calm, deep power of peace energize your spirit and it will surely make a difference.

With peace at your very core, your thoughts are clear and your actions filled with purpose.

Whatever the challenges of the moment may be, you have what it takes to move successfully through them. Peace is something you can always choose to carry confidently inside you. The more you do, the more moments you'll fill with purpose and meaning.

Beads, bands, and buses -- the joy of Mardi Gras

Well, I hit the Mardi Gras scene on Saturday to see part of one of the biggest parades they have here in NO. I say “part” because the Endymion parade is reputed to be on the streets for seven hours because it has 32 floats, numerous marching bands, and one 200+ foot float. Didn’t see the latter because I just wasn’t hanging around until midnight. Probably would have had more trouble getting home than I did. More on that later.

Got to the parade grounds about a half an hour late because the buses were/are all screwed up because of Carnival/Mardi Gras. Still got to see the first float (from afar) because of NO time. I saw the float which boasted actress Marisa Tomei, but I didn’t see Marisa Tomei. No biggie. Who I DID see was Tom Felicia off “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” (and those Pier One commercials) on another float. He was having a blast flinging beads all over the place.

Speaking of beads, I made off with about five and a half pounds of the suckers despite the fact that the women who were “nice” enough to let me up in front so I could see always managed to snag the stuff that a float rider tried to throw directly at me. People are ruthless when it comes to those made-in-China things. Except they don’t like the “old school” ones. My gain, because I liked them and thus got A LOT of them. The typical metallic, jewel-toned ones are OK, but I liked the older, short-stringed, clear plastic ones from (I was told) about twenty years ago. Also coveted are large beads and differently shaped (not round) beads, and I managed a few strings of those as well – including a long string of half-inch diameter, disco-ball faceted gold beads. Hey folks, there’s a hierarchy to these things. I have plenty of typical beads I’m going to mail to my grandmother for the younger cousins. But I’m stingy and I’m keeping ALL the old ones, so there!

I actually have my friend/attendant Erika to thank for my treasure trove. She waved and pointed and yelled and leaped over me to get a lot of this stuff. And to prove I’m not completely stingy, you’ll be glad to know I actually shared my old beads with her because she and I apparently were the only ones in our section of street who appreciated their retro value.

The floats were incredible in their detail and imagination. Endymion’s theme this year was “Magical Menagerie,” and there were centaurs and satyrs and Sirens, oh my. And I forgot my freaking camera . . . . I did manage (again, thanks to Erika) a dubloon and a cup with the krewe logo, theme, and date on them. Great keepsakes.

Oh yeah, and a plastic crawfish key chain. Priceless.

Yeah, I'm pretty much Mardi Gras-ed out. It literally took me three hours to get home Saturday night on the bus because of all the freakin' vacationers taking the buses. On the first leg, two buses passed Erika and me because they were "full" and didn't want to pick up the bulky wheelchair. When the third bus came, Erika said, "Look lady. My friend is freezing, she's gonna get sick if she stays out here any longer, and this is the ONLY way she has to get home since there are no wheelchair-accessible cabs in this city. PLEASE let her on." All the passengers started making room while the bus driver was saying no. Made her look like a total butt-munch, so she let me on. I was chilled to the bone by the time I finally got home -- cranked my thermostat to 80 for half an hour. Crazy thing is that the air temp really wasn't that cold (in the 50s), but with all the surrounding water and the breeze, it was chilly, especially on my old, arthritic knee.

And no, I didn’t see any flashers. We stayed away from Canal and St. Charles Streets where all the vacationers hang. We were where all the families were, waiting to see their babies in the marching bands. Speaking of that, one of my favorite bands got really involved with the crowd. They did a bit of song while standing in their nice, not-quite-straight lines, then they started moving around in random dancing. After a bit of that, they played instruments with one hand and grabbed onlookers with the other, pulling them into the street to dance with them. No wonder they had so many beads!

As a by-product of trying to find a route for an earlier parade which I didn’t make it to, I discovered a bunch of eating establishments I want to try within walking distance of the Elysian Fields bus into the Quarter as well as some shops I want to check out. However, I’m not going anywhere near the Quarter while those crazy tourists are here.

Let Yourself by Ralph Marston

Go ahead. Let yourself enjoy the beautiful world around you. Stop fighting life and start flowing with it. Let yourself be full of strength and energy. Let yourself be creative. Let yourself enjoy the moments as they come. It will happen if you let it.

Your own fears and doubts hold you back more than anything else. Your own anger keeps you imprisoned. Your own limiting thoughts conceal an abundance of possibilities. Your worries drain the joy from each moment. Let go of them.

Is that irresponsible? No. The most responsible thing you can do is to live up to your incredible potential. Yes, there are plenty of very real problems in the world. But you don't have to give them any more power than they already have. Let yourself be joyful in spite of them, and your life will be a positive force. Let yourself really live.

Sun and Contemplation

My pal Melissa came over today after her class, and we enjoyed a lovely Friday afternoon in South Louisiana. We took advantage of the abundant sunshine and temp in the 70s (not bragging, really ::grin::) and walked to the Chinese Tea Garden for lunch. We walked lazy residential streets most of the way, avoiding the horrendously bumpy sidewalks and lack of curb-cuts. The CTG was the first Chinese restaurant I've ever entered that the proprietors didn't instantly freak about my dog. Amazing. Melissa and I gorged, making plans to make our own crab rangoons very soon, and then headed back. On the way to the restaurant, we had noticed a street that had a median separating opposing traffic (most of the streets in this part of the city are like that) with a sidewalk and curb-cuts. We decided to take that street back. Turned out this median is actually a bike route. I'd like to take this opportunity to say, "I LOVE BIKE ROUTES!!" Curb-cuts, smooth sidewalks -- it's a transplanted gimp's dream in NO!! I looked down at Reba and said we now had an expanded route for evening walks. I probably won't walk it alone until I learn the neighborhood, but Melissa seemed amenable to the occasional walkabout.

On another note, it's been four years ago today that Stacy moved on. I've been pretty good today, but I have been rather thoughtful as I usually am this time of year. I never know what my mood is going to be on any given January 21st. I've been totally bummed, I've been happy. My dreams lately have been about enjoying life -- go figure. If anyone knew how to enjoy life, it was my sister. The walk helped to reinforce that. Once we were on the bike path, I was able to examine and enjoy my surroundings without the fear of breaking my damn fool neck. The blue sky, the very first blooms of Spring (yes, Spring -- hard to believe) mixed with the berries of Fall, the parrots starting their nests in the palms along the median of Filmore Street -- it's all about the return of the Light and the abundance of Life. Life truly is an amazing thing, and I'm doing my best to enjoy all of it.

Quiz from a Couple of Friends

You scored as Verbal/Linguistic. You have highly developed auditory skills, enjoy reading and writing and telling stories, and are good at getting your point across. You learn best by saying and hearing words. People like you include poets, authors, speakers, attorneys, politicians, lecturers and teachers. Verbal/Linguistic 93% Intrapersonal 79% Visual/Spatial 75% Interpersonal 64% Logical/Mathematical 54% Musical/Rhythmic 36% Bodily/Kinesthetic 29% The Rogers Indicator of Multiple Intelligences created with QuizFarm.com

The trip back to NO was interesting to say the least. The flights were lacking in the drama they had contained flying home, but once again the crews failed to bring me my chair between flights in Dallas -- irritating in that I had to be pushed between planes, but more irritating in that the jerk-wads lost the knob off my joystick on the flight between ICT and DFW and I didn't know about it until I landed at MSY. Grr. Barney and Chad met me at the airport, and Chad's response to the lost knob was, "Well D---, that settles it. We're getting you the eight ball." Before I had left, he and I attempted to crazy glue said knob onto the rest of the joystick to prevent this, and in the process we speculated as to what could replace it if it were permanently lost. The eight ball won by a unanimous 2-0 vote.

Turns out me calling Barney and asking him to meet me at the airport was ingenious on my part, but not for the reason I had done it. You see, when I had arrived at ICT, my w.c. was in pieces and my mom had to put it all back together. Batteries back into their cases, covers back on cases, everything back on chair. I didn't trust airport personnel at MSY to put it back together since the numbskulls couldn't get it apart to visually verify my non-spillable batteries on the trip out (and that with me sitting there TELLING them what to do), so I asked Barney to come and help. He got Chad to come too, but the chair was assembled and functional when I got off the plane, but the w.c.-accessible shuttle I had arranged wasn't. I wound up having to take the bus home (cheaper but longer). Barney went with me on the bus, and Chad took my suitcase to the lab. He offered to take it to my apartment, and I was tired enough at that point that it never occurred to me to give him my keys to put it in the apartment and then put the KEYS in the lab for B and me to retrieve.

Anyway, so the airport bus goes to downtown NO, and helpful Aura at the airport info desk advised us on where to go from there. Take the airport bus to the end of the route, walk five or six blocks along Canal to North Peters and hop the Elysian Fields bus to campus. Piece of cake, just long. Well, piece of cake once the airport bus driver finally decided to let Reba and me on the bus. No, it wasn't initially a case of not knowing what a service dog is -- he wanted me to muzzle her. Uh, no. So I patiently (admirable on my part, I think, since my back was really starting to kick at this point, I was getting tired, and I had to pee) explained to him what a service dog is, that they don't need to be muzzled, etc., etc., blah blah blah. He was still resistant, so I asked him to get a supervisor on the radio. Fortunately the super on duty that evening was an enlightened woman who knew the ins and outs and told him Reba didn't need to be muzzled. Turns out his damage stemmed from a general fear of dogs. We finally got on the bus, and we were off.

While walking along Canal, I saw some interesting sights. Lots of loitering locals (not all of them prosperous folks), lots of tourists, lots of swank hotels. After crossing an intersection, I caught a whiff of lovely incense, and I immediately stopped to locate the source. Usually incense of that nature indicates an interesting shop or merchant, and this time it was a street merchant selling incense of his own mixing, some fragrance oils, and shell necklaces. He was a delightful man of Caribbean origin, and what I was smelling was actually two incense sticks burning at once. I already had the Nag Champa, so I bought a box of the other Indian kind, and at the last minute I added a bag of his personal mix that had an undertone of cinnamon. Two bucks even. Beautiful.
Hopped the EF bus and was in the final stretch toward home. Along that route, Barney and I discussed all the dining experiences I haven't had in my stay, and we decided a once-a-month lab lunch was in order. I don't think we'll have a hard time talking Hector, Sunil, and Chad into that one.

So, in the end, my plane arrived at 4:10, and I got to my apartment (after stopping at the lab to pick up my suitcase) at 7:55. Needless to say, I slept like a rock Friday night after unpacking everything and popping some ibu.

On a final note, I finally got my Lafayette pics back. They didn't come out as nice as I had hoped, but I'll try to figure out how to post some for ya'll to see.

Winter Wonderland

My friends down South call this ice and snow storm in the early days of 2005 a Winter wonderland, but they just see it on a superficial level. Their whole concept of Winter in the Midwest is a Norman Rockwell painting, but to those of us who grew up here, it’s so much more. For me, the real wonder comes from watching the battle of wills between the ice and the trees.

You don’t really appreciate the individuality of trees until you’ve watched them battle the weight of all that frozen water. Some stand proud and defiant, still reaching for the sky, determined not to give in. They regally wear their sparkling robes of ice, the kings and queens of the Plains. Others lean on their neighbors for support, looking remarkably like drunken friends leaving a bar at closing time. Others merely rest, their heads lolling, and patiently wait for the reinforcing strength of the Sun to return and help them shake off the chill.

Some trees fall victim, losing a limb or even their whole selves in the battle. Some stand broken, utterly defeated. Others remain defiant, arrogantly displaying their war wounds that shine copper from a distance. For some, the loss of limb is a blessing, the ice removing a diseased portion the rest of the body had nursed all Spring and Summer. These trees sigh in relief, knowing the rest of the body will be stronger now.

Where a tree grows in part determines how it copes in this battle with the ice. Country trees, untouched by human hands and able to adapt at will, laugh in the face of the enemy. They are the defiant or the sleepy ones. The city trees, though, constantly trimmed and molded by humans, cannot cope with the ice. They fight, oh how they fight, but their pretty boughs are far too weak to hold out for long. Finally, they begin to give way with moans and shrieks, and at the very end, they have their revenge on the humans. As their limbs fall, they become kamikazes, rending power lines asunder and wrecking havoc on roofs. They plunge the humans into darkness and into the ravages of Winter, forcing them to face the biting wind and the gnawing wet.

As I ride down the interstate, heading for the airplane which will take me South and away from this battlefield, I’m a little sad. For almost all my life, I’ve been a part of this battle. I’ve stood in awe of the ice’s blitzkrieg, I’ve cheered the victorious, I’ve mourned the fallen. I see a redtailed hawk sitting shiva in the top of a broken tree, and my sadness deepens. As I ride, I say a prayer for the fallen and send encouragement to the defiant. I look on in admiration and realize – this really is a Winter wonderland.